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When I left the restaurant industry three years ago I did not think I would ever end up going back. I acquired impressive skill sets from spending sixteen years in the industry because you quite literally have to be prepared for ANYTHING when you clock in for a shift at a restaurant. However, the restaurant industry was also where my nicotine dependency began as well as my tenure as an alcoholic while being the scenic environment for my mental health decline. I did foresee myself returning such a place considering how far I have come since my departure.

Life has a funny way of not going how I thought it would though.

My son’s father decided to leave the state at the end of July; this put me in a precarious position as I do not have a support system that can help me with my child at any given moment… or hardly at all. Staying at work on the road as a cannabis brand ambassador wasn’t exactly going to work out, especially since the brand I worked for wasn’t keen on helping me with the hours I needed in order to take care of my child. This was kind of heartbreaking at first because I had put in ten months of hard fucking work all over the state for these people, only for them to (1) utilize industry gossip to hold my job over my head and (2) not help me when I needed help the most. Turns out that caring, local small business start up image they clung to only applied to certain people and groups because they were quite okay with working me until I was completely depleted, but when I needed their help… well that just wasn’t a thing. The day I made the phone call to let them know I could no longer be on the team they magically could accommodate my schedule needs. That told me everything I needed to know about them and I declined staying, even for two more weeks.

The options were pretty slim on what I could work while being the sole provider for my child and I realized relatively quickly that I would have to go back to the restaurant industry out of pure necessity. I had to be selective about where I went; it had to be daytime hours so I could take my son to school and pick him up from after school care while also being close enough to his school so I wouldn’t have to combat traffic each day to get to work on time. I found a few cafés in the area, but was striking out left and right on obtaining employment. I sold everything I could in the meantime to keep the bills paid, deferred the payments I could so my credit wouldn’t tank, and went without a proper meal for a hot minute to ensure my child had enough to eat for his meals. One day I had made a bit more on a sale than I intended and decided to go to one of my favorite local spots that provided a good amount of food at a fair price. I sat at the table reading a book when I noticed how busy the restaurant had gotten and how many tables my server had taken on; she was buzzing around the place and people were still flocking in even though it was about 45 minutes until close. I don’t know what came over me (mostly because I don’t believe in working at the places you enjoy frequenting), but as I was leaving I asked the women up front running host if the restaurant was hiring… they answered, in unison, a resounding yes. I took the application and came back the following day at open to drop off my application only to be hired on the spot. I was slightly flabbergasted, but mostly thankful because the café is only open until 4pm during the week and 5pm on the weekends and is about 15 minutes from my son’s school- they were also more than okay with giving me a set schedule after I disclosed that I didn’t have much in terms of a support system when it comes to caring for my son.

I was a bit nervous to start work there. Not because it was a kitchen position or because the pay was less than what I needed, but due to my past experience within the industry and how it brought out the worst in me. I never want to become that version of me again and it has been quite the relief to have such a different experience this time around in the restaurant industry. In my previous experience I was such a people pleaser and insecure, so much of my identity revolved around my job as well as the people I worked with. This time it is a means to pay the bills, I just also happen to work with some awesome people who make each shift a bit more enjoyable. I find them to be wildly entertaining and interesting, each in their own unique way. Collectively they are like a reality show I never want to stop watching because they all know each other and have been together for a long ass time. Their history together and experiences they share with me are becoming some of my most favorite stories to hear. Additionally, I stopped smoking nicotine the week before I started and have been successful in maintaining the smoke-free life during my first month(ish) on the team. In many ways it reveals to me just how comfortable and at peace I am within my role at the café; nicotine started out as a stress relief for me from the chaotic nature of the restaurant industry and now I can tell that I feel so secure with myself that I don’t have a need for the external relief.

In many ways I feel like I started back at square one, especially since I had to return to the restaurant life, BUT it also kind of feels like getting to hit reset and try again from the very beginning with a whole lot of experience (as well as perspective) under my belt this time. Rather than my job being my whole personality, it is simply a job that I enjoy doing while I am clocked in. The hours are exactly what I need while offering me plenty of time before and after my shifts to pursue passion projects. I am getting a second chance and plan on making the absolute most of it!