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I was offline for most of April.

To be honest, I low key felt like a slacker for not creating content or writing on the blog. I had a ton of inspirational moments and things I wanted to share or write about, but ultimately did not have the emotional motivation to share. It took me a hot minute to feel any kind of anchored after the chaos March presented me with and I took my sweet time grounding. Much of my free time was spent at the art museum; it’s relaxing for me to be there, I am always at peace when I am within it’s walls, having my journal on hand to document my inspirational bursts that flow into my reality while there. Even dwelling in the park itself renews me as my mind wanders to what it all was long before any of us ever existed. I allow my mind to take up as much space as it wants in these environments because it’s the one thing that makes me feel sane in this world.

I also slowed down a bit and took the time to observe the world around me. Spring began blooming between the multitude of rain showers and tornado warnings, so on the days the sun did show itself I made sure to pay close attention. I’ve never been one to really enjoy the vibrancy the new season invokes; not that I didn’t enjoy the colorfulness of it all, it’s the simple fact that I am a black cat and incorporating the nuances of color into our existence can be a bit much for our typical comfort. However, I found myself appreciating the brightness in a way I did when I was younger. This led me to thinking about the duality of vivid colors and the context they may carry pending their environment. For instance, if a woman wears bright shades of pink an initial reaction for some may be to perceive her with a sense of aloofness because, societally speaking, pink represents the innocence of a girl BUT pink can also be representative of a woman reclaiming her power (innocence included) as she moves along her healing journey.

I bring this up because I kind of made a name for myself with the all black chic look for over 10 years. I stopped wearing bright colors because I stopped feeling bright and shiny about myself. Now that I am where I am in my journey, it has become healing to start incorporating such exquisite colors back into my life. I used to say that I wore all black because my personality was colorful enough, but nowadays I want what I wear to be reflective of not just who I am but also how I feel about myself.

I also spent some time reflecting on my boundaries, with people and with myself. There were situations that came up throughout the month that definitely shook my peace that I had been busting ass on maintaining since last August. Some of those situations were because I made the effort to reach out, some of those situations were inflicted by others’ poor judgement and choices. Either way, both types of situations left me a bit uneasy with myself. It provoked some deep reflection as to who I was vs who I have become, how to navigate the waters safely, and how to do so in a way that doesn’t sacrifice my integrity. While the heaviness persisted longer than I would have liked, I found myself more grateful than before. It was a moment to become self aware of the fact that me even taking the time to reflect on these situations was proof in itself of my growth… which reaffirmed my confidence, giving my intuition the extra juice it needed to keep me strong in my decisions moving forward.

And my favorite thing I did in the month of April…

Pack up my winter wardrobe to swap it out for my spring wardrobe! In addition to the swap, I sorted out items to sell or trade in at a local secondhand boutique and scored some stellar finds at the thrift. I swear someone had to have cleared out their premium designer wardrobe a few days before I got there because the amount of Vince, Reiss, Paige, A&G, etc. that I found was GLORIOUS! I have stayed consistent with opting for natural fiber pieces, finding oodles of silk, cashmere, cotton, and linen while I venture the rows. I have to be honest though… a few polyester skirts made their way into the wardrobe, but only because they were pieces I had been actively trying to find for months as they are on a vision board of mine.

I’m in the process of making documenting my outfits a priority. I am always so proud of the looks I thread together, but am notorious for only really content of myself on the days I am in the field. So… it’s on the top part of the to-do list as a passion project. Something about documenting my wardrobe during this time just sits well with my soul, ya know?

There ya have it! I didn’t go missing, was not kidnapped, nor did I forget about my domain. I just took a digital breather to anchor in and I am so glad I fucking did! I feel more ready for what’s to come than I did and I think a huge reason why is because I finally became okay with confronting the uncomfortable- something I am truly proud to have finally learned!