129A

I have been in the weirdest little funk this past week.

So much so that I ended up doing a deep clean at home yesterday and ignoring all of the cyber world to get my head right. I purged and donated, trashed and organized, vacuumed and dusted, scrubbed and scrubbed (my spiritual pals understand), then did three loads of laundry. In a lot of ways I do feel better, now that my space is a bit more kept I feel like I can think again rather than that brain fog I felt trapped in.

I suppose it is that time of year though. We are getting ready to transition into the new life spring offers us and I my hibernated ass wants it but doesn’t at the same time. I am happier than ever being alone this winter, this is the least stressed I have ever been (still have it, just significantly less), and I am loving who I have become during this solo season. I love the isolation this time has offered me because I have learned so much about myself and am now moving through life with verve again.

I have been chomping at the bit for the weather to improve because I just do not believe I was built for cold weather. This comes with a catch though… the warmer it gets the more social I will have to be. Which isn’t a bad thing as I do love my industry, the people I work with, and my people beyond words; I just don’t know how I feel about re-emerging into spring just yet, into being seen and out again. My breakup and new job happened within a little over a month of each other, then the cold followed shortly after. It was easy to slip away from everyone, retreat to my quiet little hideaway, and only pop out when work required me to do so. It was also kind of relieving because that breakup hurt me in the deepest aspects of my soul and I didn’t want anyone to know, so I hid. I only allowed the world to see what I wanted them to see via social media, mostly focusing on content for work or OOTD type content. I didn’t want anyone to know how much it had hurt this whole time and even though it doesn’t necessarily hurt anymore I find that I still want to hide myself away.

Alas, the Universe is demanding more from me and I simply cannot tell her no. I know my days of hiding away in my safe space are coming to an end, I know I will summoned to be seen, I know I have nothing to be afraid of because of my good standing with Yahua and faith in divinity. I am also still human and still finding a route through the discomfort of change. I hope one day I see change coming on the horizon and charge towards it, that would be just epic based on my traumatic history with it. One day, one day! Until then though I suppose I will just appreciate the tail end of hibernation and ready my wardrobe for rebirth.