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I am in the process of establishing better habits for myself, much easier said than done but I think we all knew that already. I have tried for years to get myself into a better routine. The routine I have grown acclimated to truly was not good for me in the grand scheme of things, while I did make the duct tape and miracles lifestyle look fabulous it was exhausting my energy. I was constantly in a state of fight or flight and damn was I good at the flight part! Avoiding things was kind of a specialty of mine for awhile, until I hated that it was a specialty of mine. Which only tripped into the forefront of my mind after an ex-whatever-she-was yelled at me about how good I was a avoidance. I kept hoping that after I blocked her the icky feeling of what she said would go away, but it didn’t. In fact… it got louder until I couldn’t ignore it anymore.

I think what annoys me most about it all is that it isn’t that the concept of setting new habits while eradicating old habits but the actual act of doing the things to actually make them happen. Long story short, my disassociation habit with music started around the age of 7 and I didn’t realize it was an actual problem until recently when I lost an entire day off work to it that set me behind for weeks. This particular habit has hindered my growth in a lot of areas of life because I kept slipping into the default mode of escapism rather than creating the life I have been wanting for myself.

As I found out, there is such thing as too much time in your head. Even for an Aquarius.

Which now brings us here, to establishing new habits, and this post.

It has definitely been a learning curve; there are times when I find it abundantly easy and times where I get frustrated with myself and have to find it in me to bring grace to the situation. I am learning how to be patient with myself during the moments when things aren’t going how I mentally planned them or moments when I have to pivot because of unforeseen circumstances that throw off the entire vibe of my day. Today I woke up a couple hours later than I had initially planned because I woke up in the middle of the night and struggled to get back to sleep. I was pretty tough on myself at first, but rather than throwing in the towel on my to-do list (as I typically would have done) I chose to charge through the frustration and get to getting. Once I found my rhythm it was easy to snowball my tasks together to get more done with the time I had. I am also abundantly thankful that the me that woke up in the middle of the night had enough sense to throw together a grocery list while she laid there wide awake and pissed to be up too early (because there is such a thing).

Even though I didn’t accomplish everything on my to-do list today, I did manage to knock out 3/4 of the list and that part of the list included the hardest task… meal prepping for the week! Overall I think I would consider today a win in the habits department and it was much needed after last week. I needed today to be a success for a fresh week and I think it’s safe to say that not only did I get what I want today but I also feel pretty confident that tomorrow will go even better.