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Whew, I had a little breather between pop ups today… I needed it after the morning I had. In these few hours I have been able to find replacements for my screen protector (much harder than you would imagine when you are boycotting stores that have removed their DEI Initiative programs), turn in one of my EOD forms, and cleaned up the blog a bit.

When I initially started this a few months ago I went with one of the first layouts I saw and just made do with it. Today I had the unexpected gift of extra time, so I tried to use it wisely. This layout feels a bit more reminiscent of my first blog, Pollie Perfect, that I cherished for quite sometime. Hardly anyone followed it, there was zero niche to the blog because back then we were just writing to write. The blogs back then were more about following along with someone’s life, reading about their interests or hobbies; it was nothing like it is now where everyone is trying to be the next it influencer or concerned with going viral, we just documented our existence in this world and it was truly beautiful.

I think the feelings I had about myself at that time are what I am trying to get back to. I was very unapologetic sharing my life on Pollie Perfect whether it was playlists of my favorite songs at the time, what I was wearing, what I watching, the random thoughts that just bounced around in my head, real life situations that someone would probably think I made up… but that shit actually happened! I felt very free at that time even though I was simultaneously approaching a long, depressive episode. I think I could feel the shifts happening in me, so I made the most of my creative spurts when I had them.

I suppose that is kind of where I am now, trying to emerge from this safe little bubble I created for myself and feel that rush of excitement to create again. After years of clinging to a people pleaser reality, that I hated with every iota of my being, I am ready to feel that kind of alive again. I did not care that my blog only had 12 followers. I did not care if anyone really read my posts at all. The only thing I cared about was making my corner of the internet as me as possible, every post I wrote brought me joy because I was proud of myself for even making space for myself and it was fun.

So yeah, I chose this theme because it reminded me of Pollie Perfect and the me that I was back then. She was super cool, it’s just nobody knew it at the time because she was reallyyy insecure. This feels more comfortable to write in and I hope I do her proud with whatever I do next with this blog.