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2025 has started off calmly and I am eternally grateful.

The ending of 2024 had a bountiful emotional purge attached to it, so the serenity of being snowed in reaped valuable benefits. Even work has been a place of ease; we are starting to get into a consistent schedule with all of our dispensaries. I love this because it reminds me of my restaurant industry days; as a bartender or server your regulars are not just your bread and butter but also your family. You get into a rhythm of seeing each other, staying hip on the details of life’s current curve balls, or your latest regret. It just hits different!

Additionally, I am trying to be better with my habits this year. I have come to the realization that what I used to argue was my coping mechanism has actually been the ace provider for my disassociation and avoidance. So obviously we had to start confronting it because that is just unhealthy af.

It’s been difficult to be completely honest with the group. Changing habits is tricky and frustrating at times, especially when you’re harder on yourself than fucking necessary. Replacing these poor habits is basically changing the flow of my day to day life and it can feel overwhelming at times. To help with this I have started visualizing my inner child and inner teenager, which is equal parts terrifying for my ego and healing for my self. I find that when I can visualize the situation from their eyes it shifts my perspective on what I am trying to accomplish and who I am trying to accomplish it for.

Them. Well, me. Us. You know what I’m saying.

So yeah… I am trying a different approach than what I have grown acclimated to and it is finally starting to click that the more I look within, the easier this whole growth thing will be. I’m starting with reading and writing. It may sound basic af, but those were my favorite hobbies when I was younger. I devoured books and wrote down EVERYTHING that would cross my mind; as I have gotten older those hobbies fell to the wayside and I think those are two things that will help anchor me back into myself. So I am swapping regular ‘jam seshes’ (aka: disassociation and avoidance) with podcasts centered around my interests and to-do lists focused on my creativity and nurturing needs (aka: reminding me to create art and keeping my everything notebook close in case I need to brain dump).

By no means is it an extensive list or overhaul of all my less than ideal habits, but little steps snowball into big moves long term and I am more than okay with playing the long game. My risings each day are becoming more synonymous with the woman I want to be; they aren’t perfect but they are steps closer to my goals. The slow start to the year has helped me exercise patience with myself as I push past these sometimes uncomfortable changes.

Divine timing, such a funny little thing!